The only way I get a post on my blog... is if someone else writes it! Leilani sent me a post the other day for the blog.
We head to Disney World together in two weeks. I'm excited but a little apprehensive for her to see the "not so great" parts of me that pop out when traveling... such as... my crankiness in the morning, arguing with Jeremy on the phone (we always gripe at each other when we are apart), and I'm sure the list goes on! Plus, I get homesick after a few days. I'm gonna miss the crazy circus of being home. :) But I'm so excited to be in one of the most wonderful places on Earth with a very special person... I can't wait!
From Lolly...
"I
had a happy childhood. I felt and knew the love of both my parents.
Had a sister I was close to and we'd do anything for each other. My
parents fought behind closed doors and though they never alluded to it I was
about 12 when I realized they would probably one day get divorced - I just
always figured it would be after both my sister and I had graduated high
school. I was caught very unaware when my mother left just a couple of
months before my 16th birthday.
Even
through this turmoil at home I really was a happy, well-adjusted teen. I
enjoyed school and my friends. I don't recall many people asking but I'm
sure, at the time, I would have said that everything was fine.
I
could tell you how my first long-time and serious boyfriend and I broke up on
the same day that my mother walked out of our home. Nearly the same moment
- as we were sitting in his car in the driveway when my parents were sitting on
the porch and I saw my mom get up and simply leave. When I walked in the
house I found my dad crying in the living room. Discussing my first big
break-up was not even an option.
I
could tell you how my parent's divorce tore me apart in ways that no one saw,
no one knew. From the outside all looked fine and if you had simply asked
I would have said so. But if you dug just a bit deeper then you would
have known my heart was not intact and I was on the brink of shattering.
I
could tell you how I felt ignored by the people in the church I grew up
in. A church I attended since the age of 5. A church my sister &
I began attending even before my parents. I don't recall anyone coming
along side of me during or after the divorce.
None
of that really matters though. Honestly, I did have a very good childhood
and I loved my high school years. I really was happy. And I made my
own choices. I became fiercely independent. As I began my senior
year of high school I hadn't even thought of going to college. My plan
was to get married and have babies right away. And that's what I was
pushing Amanda's birth father into. He didn't even know it. I
realize now I simply was not very nice to him. I pressed the sex
issue. I don't know how he put up with me. We broke up.
I
can say now that I was the main reason we could not make our relationship
work. I was old enough to take responsibility for my own actions but young
enough to not realize just how my parent’s divorce was affecting me. If
you had asked me then I would have said I was fine. In reality, I was trying to
force the people around me to be something ideal in my mind. A short time
later I discovered I was pregnant. We did try to get back together but at
that point God was already pulling me back to Him.
Back
to the point, I'm a believer - since the age of 10 - have always been very
secure in that - never doubted. What I didn't realize was that God's love
for me surpassed any other love I'd ever know. And He'd do whatever it
takes to make me realize it. And when I was tempted to look for the wrong
kind of love I fell short and I didn't turn to God as I should have.
Why
all this in Amanda's Blog when I'm supposed to be talking about her adoption
story? Because it is part of the story. She wasn't an accident -
she was and is God's plan. I wasn't just some girl sleeping around.
Actually, I was rarely in trouble at school or home. I'd like to say that
I lived the straight & narrow after that but I'd be lying. But I'm
very glad that I followed that particular path that He led me to. I'm
very glad that I chose to give her life & a family. And I'm very glad
that Sam & Betty Young are her parents as they are beyond my wildest
expectations – their willingness to share her astounds me. And I’m very
glad for the generations that will come because she was born.
There
was once a time when I could only imagine knowing her. And there was a
time when I convinced myself I'd be just fine now that I had met her and know
what a wonderful life she’s had and if she chose to end our relationship now
I'd continue to trust God and I'd be fine. I hope that is still
true. But, honestly, now that she and her loving family are part of my
family I simply cannot imagine my life without her.
In
less than 2 weeks I get to take a trip with Amanda. Wow-28 years ago that
was inconceivable. Even 10 years ago I wouldn’t have dreamed of
this. But it’s a bit scary for me. Ours is a unique relationship
that is truly being created as we go. There’s nothing to base it on – it
is what we make it. And I try to let her hold the reigns as I still don’t
feel like it’s within my rights. We’ve never spent this much one-on-one
time together. She’s probably going to see things in me she hasn’t seen
before. We are going to Disney World…I get a bit over the top when it
comes to Disney. She knows this. But knowledge is different than
experience J Then again,
we’ll both be wearing tiaras so I think we’ll be fine."
