From Lolly

I've posted a few times about my parents and my adoption story. It's a great story to tell because it is happy when so many times a story like this could be sad... You can read about it here and a note from my mom here. I asked Leilani to write something if she felt comfortable.

Last weekend, Jeremy, the boys and I went to Kansas City to the zoo, to Laken's dance recital and had dinner with Leilani, Mike and Laken. Hopefully more to come on that soon. They gave Dave a birthday present (he turns three on Monday!) and Leilani had a present for me as well...

From my Leilani...

"Today my 19 year old daughter boarded a plane to be half way across the country for 9 weeks.  It nearly tore my heart out.  I raised her & know her. I know that she is bright, independent, aware of stranger danger and prepared for the world. I know that she loves God and keeps Christ in her heart.  I know that she's absorbed the life lessons I've repeated over and over again.  And yet it still brought more tears to my eyes than I thought possible. 

Almost 28 years ago I gave a baby up for adoption.  I never held her.  I never even saw her.  People look at me funny when they learn that.  Birth mothers are advised to say "goodbye" to their baby. The fact of the matter is – she was never mine.  I believe every baby is a blessing.  When I discovered that I was pregnant, after the initial shock, God spoke to my heart and I knew that this baby wasn't MY blessing. And the fact of the matter is – I knew my own limitations and weakness. How could I hold her, count her fingers and toes, look in her eyes, hear her cries and then hand her over to someone else to raise and love? 

I found that God was asking me to trust in Him.  Obviously, I hadn’t done a good job of that to this point or I would not have been in this situation.  And despite the well intentions of family & friends telling me keep the baby, I stood firm and followed God’s prompting.  Don’t misunderstand me, I’m no saint.  I was not then and am not now.  I am just a recipient of God’s forgiveness, love, grace & mercy. 

I was granted peace in the decision and follow through of giving her up for adoption.  Through the years, there were some difficult times when I thought of her.  Through the years, there were a lot of times that I just smiled and thanked God for taking care of her.  Isn’t that funny?  The same could be said for the two children I’m raising. 

There’s a history story on me.  There’s a story in Amanda’s birth.  There’s a story in the waiting time from when she turned 18 and I knew it was possible for her to contact me and I wondered if that was in God’s plan or not.  And there’s a story of God’s reward for me when I first met her 9 years ago and was accepted by her and her wonderful parents.  But let’s jump to today.  My 19 year old daughter will be gone for the next 9 weeks and the baby, who was not mine, is coming to dinner with her husband and my two grandsons.  I could not be more blessed."

It is I who am truly blessed.