Last weekend, Jeremy, the boys and I went to Kansas City to the zoo, to Laken's dance recital and had dinner with Leilani, Mike and Laken. Hopefully more to come on that soon. They gave Dave a birthday present (he turns three on Monday!) and Leilani had a present for me as well...
From my Leilani...
"Today my 19 year old daughter boarded a plane to be half way across the country for 9 weeks. It nearly tore my heart out. I raised her & know her. I know that she is bright, independent, aware of stranger danger and prepared for the world. I know that she loves God and keeps Christ in her heart. I know that she's absorbed the life lessons I've repeated over and over again. And yet it still brought more tears to my eyes than I thought possible.
Almost 28 years ago I gave a baby up for adoption. I never held her. I never even saw her. People look at me funny when they learn that. Birth mothers are advised to say "goodbye" to their baby. The fact of the matter is – she was never mine. I believe every baby is a blessing. When I discovered that I was pregnant, after the initial shock, God spoke to my heart and I knew that this baby wasn't MY blessing. And the fact of the matter is – I knew my own limitations and weakness. How could I hold her, count her fingers and toes, look in her eyes, hear her cries and then hand her over to someone else to raise and love?
I found that God was asking me to trust in Him. Obviously, I hadn’t done a good job of that to this point or I would not have been in this situation. And despite the well intentions of family & friends telling me keep the baby, I stood firm and followed God’s prompting. Don’t misunderstand me, I’m no saint. I was not then and am not now. I am just a recipient of God’s forgiveness, love, grace & mercy.
I was granted peace in the decision and follow through of giving her up for adoption. Through the years, there were some difficult times when I thought of her. Through the years, there were a lot of times that I just smiled and thanked God for taking care of her. Isn’t that funny? The same could be said for the two children I’m raising.
There’s a history story on me. There’s a story in Amanda’s birth. There’s a story in the waiting time from when she turned 18 and I knew it was possible for her to contact me and I wondered if that was in God’s plan or not. And there’s a story of God’s reward for me when I first met her 9 years ago and was accepted by her and her wonderful parents. But let’s jump to today. My 19 year old daughter will be gone for the next 9 weeks and the baby, who was not mine, is coming to dinner with her husband and my two grandsons. I could not be more blessed."
It is I who am truly blessed.